I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
