dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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