1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
BRING THE BAGELS
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
