He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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