ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
