I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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