My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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