hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
