Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
