I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
