I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
