i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
