I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We left an ass print on the piano.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
