I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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