is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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