i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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