Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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