I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
