woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
