You're my little dorito
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
God, you're like boner-b-gone
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
