I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
