She is in my trunk
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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