We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
