oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
