I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
