I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
