sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
