mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i barfeds in our rink
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
