My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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