im six kinds of drunk right now
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Found your dick twin last night
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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