how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
