Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
My breasts were aching with rage.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
