Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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