Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
