Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
