If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
