i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
