tell your sister to shave her snatch
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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