I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
