His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
