Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
