I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Redeem this text for a blowjob
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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