dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
