In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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