So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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