You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
