dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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