i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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