??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
