so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
